# 5

Treatment number 5 came and went without much fanfare. It was a little worse than the ones before, mainly because I was so tired. Tired from the 4 that came before. Tired because I didn't let myself rest like I should have...company coming does that to me. Tired because the company coming was such a fucking disaster and broke my heart. Here it is, the night before # 6, and I'm still tired. Usually, by this point, I'm back to myself.

But. # 6 is tomorrow. The last one. I can get through this. I WILL rest this time. I WILL drink plenty of fluids. I WILL not have to listen to someone whine about her loser ex-husband, because we are not speaking, therefore I will rest because I won't be getting calls in the middle of the night.

Evan is killing me. He knows I'm tired - I've been taking too many short cuts in the parenting area. He's getting away with too much and he knows he can. This has to stop. But at the same time, he's really being sweet. He has started asking me when my hair will grow back. And I really don't know the answer to that. I don't know if radiation will keep it from growing. Guess I'll ask the doc about that.

I have now traumatized one nephew and one neice. Nephew was a few months ago. He was giving me a hug and I told him to be careful, I have boo boos. His 6 yr old inquiring mind had to see. Do you know how fast the hands of a 6 yr old boy can be? He jerked down my shirt and got a good look at the Frankenboobs. Do you KNOW how weird nipple-less boobs look? He does. 3 yr old Neice happened Halloween. We were all over @ mom and dad's...I was wearing a purple wig. She was trick or treating while I was working on Dad's computer. It got hot. I took off the wig. She came in the bedroom. Her eyes were so wide. "Where, where, where is your purple hair?" I asked her if she wanted me to put it back on... all she could do was nod. Oh, well. Maybe she will knock next time.