Eww. Emotions.

Well, a sick sense of humor is the only thing that will keep me sane, so here goes.

I decided to name them. Never done that before. The right one I have decided to name Kelly. Why Kelly? Well, the one and only time I ever knew a guy cheated on me, it was with a girl named Kelly. How did I find out? She and her little sister were bragging about the couples they had broken up and a friend of mine heard. I can't remember the little sister's name, but I've decided to name the other one after her: Kelly's little sister. Why? Because she hasn't done anything to me yet, but given the chance, she would have.

And emotions. Doing OK keeping those in check. Every once in a while I will get teary-eyed because this shit is scary. But I will make it through this so that helps. The fact that I have no appetite and have lost 5 lbs in one week? That helps, too. What else is helping me these days?
Exercise - going to the gym after work is wonderful. I'll miss that while I'm out.
Friends - talking to friends about every subject except this? That is also nice.
Evan - knowing he needs me, nuff said. He still doesn't know. I guess I will tell him this weekend.

What isn't helping me? Big shocker. Mike. Does he have a job? Um, no. Thinking about recovering while he's at home? Makes my skin crawl. He isn't working, but what is he doing to help out? Um, nothing.

Also, he's treating me like china - like I'm about to break. 'Are you feeling OK? Do you need to rest?' The thing about china though? You think it's all fragile, and the cheap shit probably is. But real bone china? Did you know you can turn a tea cup over and stand on it with your full weight and it will not break? Well, that's what I am. Real bone china, Royal Doulton to be exact.

What do I miss? Sex. I refuse to have sex with someone who 'has too much to worry about'. Wishing I had the nerve to find a fuck buddy. But at the same time? I don't want ANYONE to touch my boobs. I dread waking up without them, but at the same time I want them gone. They are no longer my friends.