What if

Thinking about changing a lot of things.

Do I want to live with someone I don't love? And who only thinks about himself? I will never forget him telling me that he had enough to worry about. Never. Could I get over that? Should I? Yeah, he feels bad about it now. But that isn't enough. I cringe every time he touches me. Every time he tells me he loves me, I half heartedly say it back just to avoid the conversation I know is coming.

Do I want Evan to have him as a role model of how to treat a wife? Evan deserves to see what real love is like...not just tolerance.

But. What if there is no one out there for me? What if there is no one who would want me after this surgery? Is that OK? Can I just be happy by myself?

And, can I make it financially?